Terran Franklin

There’s a reason I intend to do this when I’m going for that Colbert Bump:

David:  “Steven, I gotta tell ya.  When I was in town, I ran into your friend, Glenn Beck.  He was completely off the wagon, guzzing down a Jagermyster and crying like a Japanese Schoolgirl after a breakup.”

Steven:  “I heard he does that all the time, crying.”

David:  “Tell me about it!  I was able to track him by the river of tears he shed.  And being a Fox News watcher, I wanted to slap his senses back, to tell him to get a grip on himself.  What on earth would have brought you down on this level again . . .”

I look at the camera, and flash what was on the top of my clipboard.  In big letters:

COLBERT/BECK SLASH FANFICT!

Steven:  “OH MY GOD!!”

David:  “Unfortunately for me, I had to read this piece of crap!  I thought it was a normal romance story someone wrote for my site until you showed up on Page 3 and did a lip lock.”

Steven starts showing disgust.  I just flip pages.

David:  “On Page 10 you two gave Teabagging a whole new meaning.”

Steven forces back some spew.

David:  “On Page 20, it’s a crying shame what you did to that cup.”

Steven actually pukes in a pail.

David:  “And you don’t wanna know what the baby looked like or who gave birth to it.”

Steven looks at the camera in utter fight!  “Good GOD!  Who would write such utter . . .”

David:  “It doesn’t say, but I think there’s an email address at the end . . . blah blah blah MSNBC.com . . . Figures.  Look Steve, trust me on this, this is something that should not be shared for the general public, let along anyone in the Colbert Nation.”

I then beckon for someone back stage.  “Could someone please get me a shredder so I can destroy this before it does any more harm to . . . forget that, I want to set it on fire, it’s the only way to be sure.”